I woodenly scanned the words on the page. When I told the counselor that I felt numb after recently leaving a brutal abuser, she gave me a handout listing an array of possible feelings. The only familiar word was fear; fear at the abuser finding and killing me or my family. Her handout reassured me, … Continue reading From fear to contentment →

Have you ever felt maternal toward your abuser? Have you ever felt the need to save your abuser? I’ll plead guilty to both.  To successfully leave the abuser, I had to lay down the baby and the sword. During one of my attempts to escape from abuse, I consulted a counselor who compared an abuser … Continue reading The Baby and the Sword →

When we’re trapped in an abusive relationship, none of our choices seem to lead to happiness. If we dare to escape from the abuser, life feels foreign and not at all happy like we’d hoped. We decide that the devil we knew was not as bad as this new-found hell, so we return to the … Continue reading The Fight for Happiness →

I know that targets of abuse abound with resilience because it’s required in all relationships with abusers. To maintain some control over the abuser’s seemingly erratic behavior, we walked on eggshells. We went to extraordinary measures to accommodate the abuser’s preferences while neglecting our own comfort and preferences. After being raged at or subjected to … Continue reading Resilience – we had it all along →

Imagine an auditorium filled with people staring ahead at an empty stage. Encouraged by his friends, a young man rises from his seat and dares to climb the side stairs onto the stage. Shielding his eyes from the lights, he tentatively steps to center stage. He clears his throat and manages to croak, “I am … Continue reading The Victim Stage →