From fear to contentment

I woodenly scanned the words on the page. When I told the counselor that I felt numb after recently leaving a brutal abuser, she gave me a handout listing an array of possible feelings. The only familiar word was fear; fear at the abuser finding and killing me or my family. Her handout reassured me, … Continue reading From fear to contentment →

Control by suicide

Imagine that your neighbor built a section of fence from wooden posts and boards. At first the fence stands solid and straight, but after a couple of years, it begins to lean. You discover a secret; the posts weren’t sunk deep enough, so with each windstorm, the boards become sails and intensify the lean. A … Continue reading Control by suicide →

Security, privacy, and shame

When a coworker once joked that the marks on my face looked like my husband had smacked me, I laughed lightly and dismissed the idea with a fake smile. She must have assumed I couldn’t possibly be a target of domestic violence and felt free to joke about it. Terrified that she’d guessed the truth, … Continue reading Security, privacy, and shame →

At least it wasn’t physical abuse

Some abuse survivors declare with relief at least the abuse wasn’t physical! Maybe they think the mental abuse they suffered was not as severe as someone who was physically abused. Or maybe they’re relieved that they don’t bear the social stigma of the battered spouse. As someone who’s experienced the full range of abuse, I … Continue reading At least it wasn’t physical abuse →

Forgiveness

Forgiving our abusers is a strong subject of debate. On-line recovery forums buzz with exchanges about whether an abuser should be forgiven or not. One side argues that forgiving is akin to forgetting, and they want no part of that. Another side argues that we forgive for our own well being, so we must forgive … Continue reading Forgiveness →