Security, privacy, and shame

When a coworker once joked that the marks on my face looked like my husband had smacked me, I laughed lightly and dismissed the idea with a fake smile. She must have assumed I couldn’t possibly be a target of domestic violence and felt free to joke about it. Terrified that she’d guessed the truth, … Continue reading Security, privacy, and shame →

At least it wasn’t physical abuse

Some abuse survivors declare with relief at least the abuse wasn’t physical! Maybe they think the mental abuse they suffered was not as severe as someone who was physically abused. Or maybe they’re relieved that they don’t bear the social stigma of the battered spouse. As someone who’s experienced the full range of abuse, I … Continue reading At least it wasn’t physical abuse →

Forgiveness

Forgiving our abusers is a strong subject of debate. On-line recovery forums buzz with exchanges about whether an abuser should be forgiven or not. One side argues that forgiving is akin to forgetting, and they want no part of that. Another side argues that we forgive for our own well being, so we must forgive … Continue reading Forgiveness →

Anger

Most of us left and returned to our abuser several times. When I left, my friends and family gathered in support, but when I returned to the abuser, their support sometimes turned to anger. I would wonder about their strong reaction to my perceived act of love. I was going to work extra hard to … Continue reading Anger →

The Baby and the Sword

Have you ever felt maternal toward your abuser? Have you ever felt the need to save your abuser? I’ll plead guilty to both. To successfully leave the abuser, I had to lay down the baby and the sword. During one of my attempts to escape from abuse, I consulted a counselor who compared an abuser … Continue reading The Baby and the Sword →